A Confession…

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NEEDTOBREATH crooned on the stereo as I cruised down the highway.

Be the light in the crack ,Be the one that’s been there on a camel’s back, Slow to anger, quick to laugh, Be more heart and less attack

I sang along with the refrain…Be more heart and less attack.

Be the wheels not the track, Be the wanderer that’s coming back, Leave the past right where it’s at, Be more heart and less attack

“YOU FREAKING MORON!” I suddenly shouted at the car which cut me off narrowly missing my front bumper as I hit the brakes. The words hung ringing in my ears as the song played on…

The more you take the less you have, ‘Cause it’s you in the mirror staring back, Quick to let go slow to react, Be more heart and less attack

As I caught my reflection in the rear view mirror I hung my head in shame. “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”

I wish I could say this is just a story, a parable to convey a truth. But it’s not. I wish I had never shouted those words that only God and I heard, but I did. While not a parable, my reality gives voice to one immutable truth. The “old man” is still there and while usually buried deep beneath the surface he is quick to be resurrected.

Be the wheels not the track ,Be the wanderer that’s coming back, Leave the past right where it’s at, Be more heart and less attack, Be more heart and less attack, Be more heart and less attack

I can justify myself stating “we’ve all been there and said things we regret.”  I can ignore this event; pretend it never happened. Or I can own it and acknowledge my need to nail that “old man” to the cross once again.

Justification is cheap.  To ignore is to lie.

I stuck my hat out, I caught the rain drops I drank the water, I felt my veins block I’m near the sanctified, I’m near broken I’m down the river, I’m near the open

I’m down the river to where I’m going 

I choose the cross…

(*Lyrics are from More Heart, Less Attack by NEEDTOBREATH)

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